Thursday, May 26, 2011

what mommyhood taught me

There is a lovely  tag that has been doing the rounds of mommy bloggers and when I first read it at Kiran's I was just hoping someone would tag me too!(Else I would have perhaps shamelessly stolen it and done it too!) And the lovely Little fingers did - Thank You!

What this tag is all about (In Kiran's Words):
It's been a while since us Mommybloggers came up with something to celebrate, well, mommyhood, so the lovely Monika and I came up with this. A tag that has us list out five lessons of life that Mommyhood has taught us, these could be sweet, bitter, funny, touching, whatever. These could be survival tips or cooking tips, or something as simple as the best thing to get puke smell out of hair.

So, the rules are simple. Put the badge up. Write out five lessons that Mommyhood taught you. And tag five mommybloggers.
So here are my five (And in no particular order):
1. General Personality Overhaul - Yes! Lots of things I didnt believe I could do or I thought doesnt relate to me - all of those 'thoughts' have gone right down the drain.
   a. Being a hot-head - I now keep my cool when he throws a tantrum at 2am in the middle of the night    to go out - I know if I shout his shrill scream will wake up the dead...
    b. Over sensitive to Dont bother about them attitude - Earlier I used to always listen to what others had to say and fret about not so good things that they might tell me. Especially the initial 3 months when Chutku had colic, I was bombarded with you havent done  this right or you should have done that during pregnancy. And I would just sit and cry. And then both Mom and Chutku's neonatologist put some sense into my head. Today I have learnt to listen with one ear and let go with the other - any criticism and comparision between me and any other Mom. If I find some idea constructive I will try it else I dont fret about it.
c. To not talk before thinking - I've mostly been Mooh-phat and speak out my mind. Now after having experienced myself the effects of advices - I think a lot before I give a tip to another mommy. Also, only if they ask me what I do - never without being asked. And also, I dont just stop someone from petting my son - though I might not really like the way they are doing it. Or even for that matter I have stopped responding to unwanted comments from all and sundry telling me how to bring up my child. Every parent-child will have their own equation.
d. Multitasking - How could I forget this? I can carry him and do most jobs with a single hand. And I never knew I was so dexterous! (see the pic? I am having lunch/talking to someone holding my mobile and him in 1 hand)
2. Leading by example: The more the time passes the more it strikes me that the little 16 month old does exactly what hubby or me do. So now all my bad habits of cursing or swearing/angry tantrums/ even being fussy about food - they all come back to haunt me! Im more and more careful about what I do and what I speak (especially since he's picking up words really fast and he can catch on to my mood swings like its happening to him). And Im already thinking of all the things he might learn inadvertently from either one of us. Its tough to be always conscious of what we are doing!
There is no way I can think of discipling him before I make sure Im disciplined enough...

3. The sense of actually 'Feeling' - I never knew I had so much of feeling in me! I thought I was a very practical person and always saw things the way they were. Never new that with becoming a mommy I would also find out new sense of 'feeling' that seems to be only growing stronger than 'thinking' - especially when it comes to the little one. There are new found feelings of Pride/Satisfaction/Fear everytime the little one does something new. Even when I crib that I dont have a daughter to 'dress-up' I find a satisfaction of making him wear good/clean clothes, of cooking fresh healthy food, of teaching him the smallest thing. And the fear for him. For every little thing that can cause him harm - of even being paranoid at times!
4. Learning about Intutions and Bonding - That 'instant bonding' everyone spoke about didnt happen instantly. When Mom kept asking me to talk to the little one, I kept saying that he hardly understands, I 'd rather sleep! so while I slept the Grandma and Grandson used to have unintelligeble conversations at 1am in the night and she would sing him lullabies. After we shifted to our own home one day when he was crying and I was at a loss to do anything I began to sing the same lullaby to him that mom sings. And the reaction was instant. He immediately kept quiet and began to smile too! Even today the G'parents are much much favoured and the parents are completely neglected with them around.
And I also somehow knew/know immediately when something bothers him - be it stomach pain/ear pain or discomfort for potty/or even a bad dream - I just knew/know what it is and immediately it also strikes how I should react. I can even predict what his next mischief will be. And I keep surprising myself and hubby with it! I'm surprised that I can read that small individual's mind like I can read my own...
5.Understand that he is a person, an individual - Yes, this early. He makes sure of it. When he first began to crawl and walk I would be very wary of where he would hurt himself. But no matter how careful I would be he would still fall/get hurt. I am now very relaxed around most of his naughtiness - being climbing stairs/ walkting across the Sofa as long as I know that there is nothing harmful in his way. I just keep an eye. With his limited vocabulary he makes sure we understand what he wants - and he makes sure he gets it. From putting 'katoo' (cartoon) on TV, 'tata' taking him out,'chicchu',switching the lights on and off - everything. Even his food - He is quite clear of what he wants to eat and will refuse something if its not to his liking and I have to feed him only what he likes. He refuses to catch words that I keep repeating but will suddenly grasp some new word without repeating even once. All this to prove that I cant force what I want on him - He has a mind of his own which I need to respect!

Quite a lenghty post this became. So I'll stop at this and I take the liberty to tag these mommies:

Sangi - Great, how she is managing to even study with 2 kids and a home to take care of. Her posts on Bangalore/kids remind me of my own childhood.And I would love to know her thoughts on this.
Starry - Another mom with 2 kids. I just love her posts and how she seems to write what I can only think!
ArtNavy - She writes about so many things to take the kids to around Bangalore that I cant wait for Chuktu to grow up...
MomOfRS - With 1 its so tough - she manages twins/family and a job. Whew! Hats-off!
Itchy - Another mommy of twins - Im in awe of these mommies. 

There are many more mommies that I regualrly read which helps me in my 'mommy-ing' better! But they have all been alredy tagged - I just hope these are all new mommies that Im passing this around to...


  1. Awww! thats so cute RS..I loved point 5..treat them as indivduals :)

    and that blurred pic is so nice..for some strange reason I loved it..made me feel so warm all over :)

  2. wow - you had to make me think, didn't you! :-D

    Being a mother has taught me so much, I will have to rack brains to put in just 5 things. Will be taking this this tag. Thanks for thinking of me.

  3. Waw that is a beautifully written RS, didn't realize it was so long, loved reading your experience. By the way snap is beautiful..wish you had less blurred it :)

  4. Ooooh!!!
    How exciting :D
    I'm touched sweetie, thanks for tagging me.
    Am hopping back to my blog to do the needful now :)

  5. Rashmi, you have so much contents already!! I'm waiting to see what all you'll have as Samarth grows up :-). Here are my thoughts coming to me at this moment...
    1) My no.1 lesson: you can manage and negotiate with your demanding bosses and even more demanding customers but cannot do the same with your own kid!
    2)Be careful with mood swings and think before you speak. Kids pick up very fast and without we realising it, it affects them in totally different way that we can't imagine.
    3) Kids are generally very smart than we are! They can correlate things so well, which we can't even imagine. I can't believe when Nidhi gives back the explanation that I would've given her for something else but still makes sense!
    4) With Nidhi I've realised that I need to go the extra mile and then only I can make her do what I want.
    5) Some tricks that the books give, like attaching brownie points for every good job done and tying it with rewards, dont work! That is simply not practical :-)

    I have so many other points, probably in my next comment :-)