Monday, September 26, 2011

Mommy Guilt

The Bride tagged me to write about Mommy guilt:

1.Write about 2 instances where you have put yourself before your child/ children… been a wee bit selfish.


2.How did you feel? Did you feel a pang of guilt or were you comfortable?

3.Tag 2 more moms

The maximum I've ever felt guilty was initially when he was born and had really bad bouts of colic for 3 full months and most everyone I knew told me it was because I didnt eat/rest/take care properly during pregnancy - those were the worst mommy guilt moments for me - seeing him howl in pain and not knowing how to help/or when no medicine,warm water bath worked... Now that, that phase is over there isnt much I worry about except maybe:

1. My Work - The first 6 months after Chutku that I stayed at home drove me crazy. Crazy because I had no adult company and was all the time feeding/cleaning/putting him to sleep routine. And I decided no matter what Im going back to work. So leaving him in the day-care was no option.
On a regular day I dont feel guilty leaving him at the day care. I've mentioned here before that he's being taken good care of and he is comfortable too. So there are times when hubby and I go out for lunch - we even took the day off on our anniversary, left him at the day care and watched 2 movies - ensuring we had some time together without upsetting anyone's routines either. And there was no guilt.
But, on days he is unwell, has a bad nappy rash or just has a clingy day (especially monday mornings) - those are moments when I feel guilty. Sometimes I peep from the door without going inside lest he should cry on seeing me and I see him playing all by himself, roaming behind his care taker when no one's talking to him - those moments are when I feel the pinch.

2. With hubby's hectic work schedules I come home alone with him - the responsiblity of feeding him dinner and completing the night routine, putting him to sleep fall completely on me. And there are days when Im not feeling too well and I just want to sleep or watch some good TV, something on my mind that I want to blog, read  and he choses those days to not sleep early! He's cranky with sleep but refuses to stop playing and wants to be all over me. Invariably I end up screaming at him and put him on my lap to pat him to sleep and I admit I can be a little rough too at times because it takes all my energy to put the squirmy bundle on my lap! And that is when I feel guilty - guilty of being unable to control my emotion/stress/temper for a few more mins when all he wants is to stick to me because he hasnt got enough of me for the day...

I understand too that these are all temporary and unavoidable at times.Im still learning to control my temper and have been quite successful too... so at the end of the day its not too much guilt that I carry to bed with me!

OK, now who do I tag:

LF - to know what she feels about Chucky and Seemahttp://seemabbas.blogspot.com/ - what with twins!

Come on ladies - do the tag and let us know...

5 comments:

  1. It was as if I was doing this tag, TODAY!!

    Keer was down with fever all through yesterday. She is fine today and so I left her at her day-care and am at work now! But then, my mind keeps thinking about her every once in a while.. :(

    And my husband has a pretty busy season at work now and every day, it is only me handling the evening chores by myself. I can so relate to what you say about being unable to control anger and stress! :(

    Hang on there, RS!

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  2. I'm learning so much from these posts - about all the different experience mothers go through and how we get through them.

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  3. Oh RS, hugs and many more hugs. We all go through this and make our life miserable with all the guilt feelings. I loose my temper too and shout at R and Chucky and later feel guilty abt it.

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  4. Hey RS,

    Your second point, I guess most working moms will relate to it! Sigh. And thanks for tagging me. (My first tag, yay!) I finally did a post on it. I cheated *evil grin* by quoting more than two instances... Sorry! Here goes:

    http://seemabbas.blogspot.com/2011/09/mommy-guilt.html

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  5. S&S - With 2 kids to handle I can imagine the stress. So take care.Hope Keer is back to normal today...

    Bride - Yes, I've been reading everyone's take on this and it seems like we all handle it in different ways though some how the guilt factor is always there!

    LF - Read your post too... Yeah, its a tough balance but I think we are doing a good job!

    Seema - Cheating? Babe! Write more - all of us want to know how you handle it!

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