Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Can friendships be controlled? - My sin story

"Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are".

RM wrote this post on friendships and does one need to keep tab on whom their children make friends with.

Did our parents really do it? I think yes - My parents did,rather mom did upto an extent. All along they have always encouraged us to tell them about school/college and our friends.There was obviously no 'control' ever,but she did know who my friends were and where I was going with them - those kind of tabs.And both bro and me had no problems ever bringing friends home -gender not being an issue, talking about them with the parents for most part. Infact a huge gang of 12 used to come home on the pretext of combined studies during every study holidays and mom/granny ensured that there used to be food for everyone...

Dad and Mom used to very often quote lives of other people who spoilt their life by being in bad company and that I think was a very subtle way of showing us the good and the bad. One instance I can recall very clearly is in first year degree. Mom wasnt very fond of 1 of my friends for various reasons. She didnt like me going out with her as she thought she is a bad influence on me. At that point in time, I rebelled.I went to a movie with her once and a few other friends and didnt tell mom about it. Unfortunately my parents saw my other set of friends at the local complex and I was not with them and she figured out (I think Mom instinct?) that I had lied to her and gone with the other friend. The minute I came home she was in a rage. Red rage I must admit. She was not angry that I went to a movie-she was more angry because I lied. And I screamed right back at her and questioned her if she didnt trust her upbringing - that was when she said that I had broked her trust which was all about upbringing - I would've told her the truth and she felt betrayed by her upbringing. After she calmed down she told me that after a certain age once we enter college we spend more time with friends than at home with parents and often the parents viewpoints get questioned. Its upon the parents to really think and draw that thin line of being lenient and let the child be and impose some rules on them. And so here's where friends do play an important part in shaping up our final personalities.

There is no definition for a bad friendship. But there is a definition for influential friendship. And kids are definitely more influenced by their peers and their views and often the parents views are considered out-dated. That is when problems can arise if parents are not aware of the children's friendships.

Finally, I think today what my mom did that evening was right - she showed me how a bad influence can shake the very belief that you have grown up with. You cannot control the child's friendships but you can definitely be aware of his/her friends and keep a check so that incase there arises a need you will know what to do and how to takle the problem.


  1. Oh yes...you should keep an eye..I totally agree..Errr...which movie did you go ;)

  2. Particularly in the adolescent age, RS... when friends matter more than our own parents, there is always a chance that we might go wayward.

    You've opened up some warm memories. May be, sometime I'll post about it!

  3. Yes peer infulence really can make or mar ones future.This problem worsens where parents do not have friendly relations with their kid.Its necessary for parents to give that comfortable zone to their kids so that kids feel free to discuss issues with parents.
    There was this guy in my college he got year back in engineering and got into bad company coz of wrong friends that he had :-(

    Good post RS and really thought provoking.

  4. I used to hate my Mum for doing that - The whole enquiry about friends but yeah now I guess now that I am supposed to choose my own friends, I totally understand why she was so concerned. :) N yes which movie did u go to? :P

  5. I agree with what Sugar n Spice has to say about this...

  6. @RM,SnS,Scribby,Garima - No matter how much of a friend you are to your child - there is a need to be a 'parent' too sometimes...

    And if I remember right - We went to Anaconda - to think of all the movies...hmmpphh...

  7. I don't know how I feel about this. I can't take a stand unlike most of you here and say yes what those parents do is right, or those are wrong, etc. Will ponder over it for a while :)